This one time, way back in college, someone who meant well told me that I was a “stepping stone” for the men I had been in relationships with. 🤨
After expressing that I was lonely, and tired of giving so much of myself just to be left feeling deflated and used, the following conversation ensued:
“You attract men who need healing in some way, and they get that and work through their shit being with you, but they’re not meant to be with you – you’re like the stepping stone for them to become better, before they move onto another relationship.”
Now…this person MEANT well. As I understand it they were trying to say that I was a good soul, a powerful healer, and was attracting people that just weren’t meant for me. But seeing as how it’s been about ten years and I STILL remember the phrase “stepping stone” and how I felt after that conversation, I clearly integrated that in a negative way.
Well, shit. 😳
I’m a recovering people-pleaser…I spent MOST of my life (even still fighting the tendency at times now) doing what I thought I SHOULD do, putting everyone & their mother before myself, and letting people walk all over me – suppressing myself over, and over, and over again.
Can you relate at all? 🤔
Since nothing happens in a vacuum, this of course also translated into my relationships. BUT what went down in each of those scenarios wasn’t solely on the other person – it was also on ME not realizing until much later that I ALLOWED everything that transpired to happen!
🙅🏻♀️I ALLOWED myself to be in situations where I gave my power away, time and time again
🙅🏻♀️I ALLOWED myself to be made to feel unloved, used, taken advantage of
🙅🏻♀️I ALLOWED myself to give and give and give, to feel as though I had to sustain these relationships based on MY effort, MY input, MY energy alone – and then feel as if I had nothing left
🙅🏻♀️I ALLOWED myself to be strung along, to go back time and again, instead of simply letting go
🙅🏻♀️I ALLOWED myself to ignore what I wanted and needed, and instead throw myself into being & doing what I thought everyone ELSE wanted and needed
…because isn’t that how people stay in your life? Isn’t that how people love you? 😳🤨🙈
Nope, girl. Not even a little. ✋
The thing is…no one asked me to do those things. But people will respond and react to how YOU show up, the energy you bring in, the boundaries you do or don’t set, and act accordingly.
👆👆 READ THAT AGAIN 👆👆
I settled for, and allowed myself to accept, FAR less than I deserved. And because I set the bar so low, that set the stage for how many people in my life would then show up.
I had ZERO love and respect for myself – and gave my power away, time after time. And I have a HUGE heart, and a healer’s touch…which all wrapped up together ended as a shitstorm of loneliness, hurt, emptiness, bad situations, and constantly convincing myself that I wasn’t enough.
🖤So how do you break the cycle of people pleasing?
🖤How do you find the relationship that you’re craving, praying for, searching for?
🖤How do you stop feeling like a stepping stone for the people in your life?
By falling in love with yourself 👉 realizing your worth 👉 PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST in your own life 👉 and stepping into your power!
A “simple” list, in that it’s easy to write out and say. But I completely understand that it feels like a bitch to actually put into practice! Which leads to avoiding the personal work, pretending like it’ll all work out, throwing blinders up and keep on keepin’ on just hoping things will change on their own…
But the truth is boo, you will never have the life, relationships, experiences, feelings that you want without investing in, and falling in love with, YOU FIRST!
Is looking at your own shit uncomfortable? Yup. It took me a LONG FUCKING TIME to truly look at and admit where I had allowed myself to be treated as, to accept, less than I deserved. To see where I kept running back to things that weren’t working at the smallest opening. To own my own actions, and dig into where they came from.
To realize that my fears of abandonment, of being unlovable, of being alone, of not being good enough, were a subconscious perfect storm that would enable me to keep fucking up my life over and over until I untangled it and healed.
I had to take control, but knew I wasn’t in a place where I could do it alone. I invested in myself, I found someone to walk through my shadow work with me, and help me come out on the other side fully knowing and loving myself so that I could transform my life from what it was, to one that I truly desired! Where I was THRIVING instead of just surviving!
It has been the most precious gift, turning pain, fear, and shrinking into beauty, love, and abundance!
I then honed in on my gifts and learned how to help other women through their shadow work and their own incredible transformations! I’m so blessed to spend every day now with this as my life and business – teaching you how to step into your POWER and take control over your life, finally after long last having what you desire (because you do deserve it!), and truly feeling JOY every single day!
If you’re not happy with where you are, if you find yourself in the same patterns/situations over and over, if you’re not sure what you need but just KNOW you need a change…let’s talk! I’d truly love to work with you, to help you get your shit together, get clear, go deep and call in your transformation into your most POWERFUL self!
She’s in there, just waiting for you to step into her and OWN your truth!
Your beautiful future, your dream life, your incredible relationship, your soul’s calling is out there just waiting for you…so what are YOU waiting for?
Reach out anytime, I’m just a message away 🖤
PS: The Joy Seekers Collective kicks off MONDAY 4/22!
Growth and healing can be difficult, painful…been there! But what I’ve learned is that it IS possible to experience JOY and PASSION in the pursuit of your own expansion 💃🏻🌈💁🏻♀️
That you can find your light amid the discomfort, that you can stand in your power even when you’re feeling like a mess!✨
If you’re looking for accountability, connection to kindred spirits and soul sisters, & to call more joy into your life – look no further! It’s time to make yourself a priority, to invest in your happiness! Contact me for more details ❤ I’d love to chat with you about if this space is right for you!