I’ve Got Control Issues…

Iโ€™ve got control issues ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ™…๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

For those of you who know me, this statement does NOT come as a surpriseโ€ฆI know. ๐Ÿ˜‚ I can laugh about it now, but earlier on in my life it became a huge problem.

I never really had the best relationship with food, through all of my own doing. ย We had healthy balanced meals growing up, a trend Iโ€™ve integrated into my now adult life, which has helped me so much in my journey to get healthier! ๐Ÿฅฆ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

But, once I left home at 18 and could start to make my own food and was in charge of my own nutritionโ€ฆI crashed and burned. ย I KNEW how to be healthy, but food was also my coping mechanism for everything: stress, strong emotions, avoidance, boredom, being social, etc.

Worse, though, food also became the thing I fixated on that I could control when everything in my life starting spinning out of control and falling apart…

One thing lead to another and that need for control spiraled into an eating disorder – for longer than I care to think about during college, I struggled with bulimia. ย I couldnโ€™t NOT eat, it was a compulsion, and I wanted the foods that made me HAPPY in the moment, but then after I would panic and HATE MYSELF with a gnawing, terrible, burning passion (that went just so much deeper than food related, but I didnโ€™t know it then) and unfortunately turned to an unhealthy response to โ€œfeel betterโ€โ€ฆand then all of a sudden I felt it. Hot damn, I had control. ย I could eat what I want AND not feel terrible!? What!? YES PLEASE.

Quickly, however, it consumed me. I was so desperate to feel in control that I leapt at the first tickle of it. I became obsessed with food, what I would eat and when, how to hide it so no one would know what I was doing because โ€œthey just wouldnโ€™t understandโ€. I was in control, I GOT THIS, I was totally fineโ€ฆ

โ€ฆexcept, obviously, I wasnโ€™t ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

Longer than I care to admit into this sickness, the feelings/issues that had pushed me to that edge had finally gotten too unmanageable. Even my โ€œcontrolโ€ over food and my body couldnโ€™t mask what was really going on. ย So, I finally went against everything in me and reached out for some help.

I spent so long crawling uphill desperate to find a healthier spaceโ€ฆeven when I had the bulimia under control, I still struggled with emotional eating (and still do off and on to this day…Iโ€™m a work in progress, and love myself through the struggle!). ย 

I can say confidently these days that I am 100% in a healthier place! I have a healthy relationship with food because I learned to master my MINDSET and my THOUGHTS about food, but also the thoughts and feelings that were behind it all about myself. You hear me say all the time โ€œour thoughts create our realityโ€ – because our thoughts REALLY ARE that powerful!

Having a healthy relationship with food doesnโ€™t mean jumping from diet to diet. Iโ€™ll flat out tell you โ€œI donโ€™t dietโ€ and I MEAN itโ€ฆbecause that doesnโ€™t work for me. ย To be honest, diets donโ€™t work for many many people! Super restrictive things not only make me feel frustrated, upset and deprived, but any sort of โ€œdietโ€ I take to an extreme out of control, and then sabotage myself on PURPOSE so I wonโ€™t go down any road that looks like the one I walked down so many years ago. All around, just not healthy. ๐Ÿ™…๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

After years and years, gaining weight and losing weight and no matter what I did feeling ungodly unhealthy, Iโ€™ve finally found a healthy way to think about food, and Iโ€™ll never look back ๐Ÿ™‚

Itโ€™s about learning what works for YOU and YOUR BODY! No oneโ€™s ideal foods will look the same, because everyone is different – so why on earth would one diet, one set of foods, one example work for everyone!? It just doesnโ€™t.

If youโ€™re struggling, with an eating disorder, or food or nutrition or your self-image or anything in there, donโ€™t wait one more day to reach out to SOMEONE for help. It doesnโ€™t have to be the way that itโ€™s becomeโ€ฆI swear. Please know, even if we donโ€™t talk, even if weโ€™ve never spoken, I love you and want to help youโ€ฆI am always available to talk, never hesitate to reach out ๐Ÿ’œ

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